This is related, in a way.
Emily's annoyance stems from the self-importance of people. I'd like to submit my hatred of THIS thing.
The Bluetooth headset. The thing that sits on the ears of people invariably wearing dark pleated pants, too much hair product and a smug expression. This is Realtor-cool. Insurance-salesman-cool. Cool for anyone who is SO important he cannot function without constantly being plugged in to the legions of people dying to hear his pompous, ponderous voice. This is a person with views and skills, deserving of much admiration.
Or so he'd have you believe.
Three months ago, I was at a funeral for a much-loved and well-respected man. This guy was the real deal, and he hardly ever used a cellphone. He was old-school, I guess. At his funeral, which turned out to be the frickin' social event of the season, there was a woman. She was easily in her sixties, dressed in leopard print and white denim, her hair highlighted and curled within an inch of its life. She kept standing up and looking to the back of the chapel, because she was saving seats for her friends. She stood during the Rabbi's eulogy. She stood up during the daughter's eulogy. And she wore the fucking headset throughout the whole service.
Never in my life have I wished someone dead like I did her. Never in my life have I wished, so badly, that I could strangle someone with my bare hands.
I found out after the service that she was 1) the "best friend" of the widow, and 2) a hairdresser.
A stinking hairdresser?!?!? Wearing that thing during a funeral for her best friend's husband?
a very very bad word is coming up next. the sensitive should avert their eyes.
What an unbelievable fucking cunt. Cunt cunt cunt.
So now, every time I see one of those headsets, I make the snap judgement. Immediately, I think to myself, "what a TOOL. Not just a tool, but a whole fuckin' toolSHED." That's my failing, I suppose. Maybe someday I'll change my mind. Probably about the moment I get one.
Ha. Never. If I do, I give permission for someone to kill me. Really. Put me out of everyone's misery.
16 comments:
I think they're very cool for driving. Great hands-free device. But I don't own one. Hell, I just bought a cell phone two months ago. I haven't owned one in over two years.
But I hate when you're just standing around and they're talking on their Bluetooth, but you have no clue and you think they're talking to you ... I effin hate that.
Ugh. What a b*tch to pull that at a funeral. Remember when the only people important enough to have pagers and mobile phones were doctors? And drug dealers? I miss those days. The worst are the walkie-talkie variety, where we are not only subjected to one, but both sides of the conversation.
-Emily
I agree that they're good for driving, Cullen. But so many people are spotted wearing them when it's not really necessary to have their hands free.
It's funny: for work, I'm around directors and all other kinds of creative people. But the ones who gravitate toward the showy headset are producers.
And I hate the walkie-talkies too, Emily. Thank goodness I haven't seen too many. They make me want to join in the holder's conversation . . . and not in a good way.
The hands-free ones get on my nerves, too. Especially if someone is using them that don't have any friggin' need to have a telephone glued to the side of their head. There's a shipping clerk in one of the neighboring offices that wears his all the time. Er, never mind that you are at work and shouldn't be making personal phone calls, you are a damn *shipping clerk*. It's not like UPS is going to radio you alerts about a globe-wide terrorist attack or something.
That was me above, BTW
-Emily
Heh! Our receptionist here at work wears a hands free headset that allows her to roam all over the office in self-important splendor...sometimes shushing people in the break-room, becasue she is in there when she shouldn't be, so she can answer the friggin' phone.
I want to rip it off her head everytime I see her.
I was just at lunch and spotted this glorious ensemble on a Guido at Qdoba:
Black mullet-licious hair.
Black polo-style shirt.
Black pants.
Black leather belt trimmed with faux-gold geegaws.
Black patent leather sandals.
Black dress socks.
Bluetooth headset.
They're multiplying.
And maybe take her head with it, Shanny?
Yeah...her head too. That would be fine.
And BTW..."a whole fuckin'toolSHED"
hahahahahahahaha!
Welcome back Shan!
I think they are so geeky that I just cannot bring myself to wear one. I came close to buying one from Creative that is an earbud style with the receiver part on a wire so it can be put into a pocket.
But no. Instead, I have a geeky car, with Boo-toot (as Thais say) capability built into the radio.
Now that's cool AND geeky, IMHO. But not obnoxious! Perfect for a techie like me.
Oh, Dyno. I'm calling it Boo-Toot from now on. That's fabulous.
Hon, it's even better if you realize what "toot" means in Thai! (apologies if you did)
Boo means nothing in Thai that I can recall in my currently rum-addled mind. All I can think of is that it a negative prefix in Mandarin. (boo she means "no" for example; i.e., not yes)
But that's funny...
Of course, the Thai is not what they are trying to say here. It is of course the English that comes out mangled LOL!
Sorry if that's obvious. I'm a bit tipsy...
BTW, I LOVE the vomiting basin pic.
And no, I had to re-read your Gulliver's entry to "get it," but the meaning makes perfect sense.
I still love the mangled English.
After Italian last night, there was plenty of Boo-toot at casa de Cullen.
I've found that my life is immediately bettered when I tap the wearer of a bluetooth earpiece on the shoulder and, as they turn, jam it into their ear with the flat of my palm. Sometimes the unit gains full purchase into the victim's gray matter rendering the prick immediately improved in social graces and intelligence. It's a win-win.
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