Me vs. The Monorail

There was a Simpsons episode, arguably one of the best ever (and that's saying a lot), called Marge vs. the Monorail.

In it, Springfield receives a multi-million dollar settlement from Mr. Burns. In the town meeting, Marge suggests they use the money to fix the crater-sized potholes in Main Street. The town is ready to agree until the slick-singing, straw-hat-wearing, Phil-Hartman-voiced Lyle Lanley busts through the door, ready to bilk Springfield out of their money with the very last thing they need. A monorail.

In a dead-on homage to "The Music Man," the town bursts into song:

- Lyle Lanley -
Well, sir, there's nothing on earth like a genuine,   
bonafide, electrified, six-car monorail! 
What'd I say?

- Ned Flanders -
Monorail!

- Lyle Lanley -
What's it called?

- Patty and Selma -
Monorail!

- Lyle Lanley -
That's right! Monorail!    

(crowd chants "Monorail" softly and rhythmically)

- Miss Hoover -
I hear those things are awfully loud.

- Lyle Lanley -
It glides as softly as a cloud.

- Apu -
Is there a chance the track could bend?

- Lyle Lanley -
Not on your life, my Hindu friend.

- Barney -
What about us brain-dead slobs?

- Lyle Lanley -
You'll all be given cushy jobs.

- Abe -
Were you sent here by the devil?

- Lyle Lanley -
No, good sir, I'm on the level.

- Chief Wiggum -
The ring came off my pudding can.

- Lyle Lanley -
Take my pen knife, my good man.
I swear it's Springfield's only choice.
Throw up your hands and raise your voice!

- All -
(singing)
Monorail!

- Lyle Lanley -
What's it called?

- All -
Monorail!

- Lyle Lanley -
Once again...

- All -
Monorail!

- Marge -
But Main Street's still all cracked and broken...

- Bart -
Sorry, Mom, the mob has spoken!

- All -
(singing)
Monorail! Monorail! Monorail!   

(big finish)

Monorail!

- Homer -
(not realizing the song's over)
Mono... D'oh!

Of course, the thing turns out to be a disaster. But in remembering this episode, I've come to believe this closely resembles the process by which we in Las Vegas got our monorail.

The monorail that's supposedly privately funded - but not really.

The monorail that's already losing money.

The monorail that's run by brain-dead slobs.

The monorail that's already falling apart.

The very same monorail that does absolutely nothing to help the commutes of Vegas residents, because its route only services a line of Strip hotels.

In the meantime, our freeways are constantly under construction because they're inadequate from the moment they open a new phase, and our pollution is hideous. But our city fathers thought sinking $750 million into a monorail was money well spent. They may as well have thrown the cash into one of our glowing underground nuclear test tunnels, for all the good it's doing us.

Las Vegas, Nevada. One of the few places on earth where life imitates art.