Please come to the theater, or we'll all die.

Notice all the whining about watching movies on DVD? Apparently that's the theme of the evening, and apparently everyone's been briefed. Please come to the movies at the theaters, please. We promise from now on that viewing epics like Deuce Bigalo: European Gigolo will no longer be interrupted by self-important fuckwads on their cell phones, nitwits talking to the screen and expecting a reply, or endomorphic cretins loudly unwrapping more goodies than Donald Trump's attention-starved kid on Christmas morning. Sure, we'll come to the theater...if I can bring a stun gun. And then there's this: If all these millionaires are pleading with me to do anything, it must be wrong.