4.26.2006

Bulls**t

This caught my eye because this man was the LOML's (Love Of My Life's) high school classmate:

Terror attack has scuttled Nevadan's Navy career

The Navy gave Cmdr. Kirk Lippold a medal for saving the USS Cole and preventing further loss of life after al-Qaida operatives blew a huge hole into the guided-missile destroyer in the Yemen port of Aden on Oct. 12, 2000. Little did Lippold know then that his fast-track career might be over.

Lippold, a 1977 Carson High School graduate, apparently is the first commissioned military officer or civilian official since George W. Bush became president to be held liable for failing to prevent an act of terrorism against the United States, according to the Sacramento Bee.


Well, if he cruised into that port ignoring all the warnings . . . oh, wait.

But there are questions why Lippold didn't know, before his refueling stop in Yemen, that two separate intelligence programs had found signs of a possible attack on U.S. interests in the Middle East in the days before the Cole bombing.

One of them, a secret Pentagon program now known as Able Danger, had identified Yemen as one of five "hot spots" of al-Qaida activity believed to be targeting U.S. interests. Two days before the Cole attack, Able Danger analysts briefed Gen. Peter Schoomaker, then head of U.S. Special Operations Command, on their findings.

Nothing about the briefing reached Lippold. Nor was he told that U.S. embassies in Yemen and elsewhere in the Middle East had been closed for fear of violence.


How does the Commander of one of our ships in that area miss out on this kind of information?

How about a breakdown of communication, the kind that's bit us in the ass before?

Lippold's adherence to security procedures was questioned, but the report was dismissed by his entire chain of command, "finding that he could not prevent the bombing." Unfortunately, the taint still hangs on his career.

I can appreciate the idea of constant vigilance. If you're heading into a foreign port and you have your pipes exposed (so to speak), you probably have to keep an eye on the locals. But if Lippold had seen that briefing, it stands to reason that a routine refueling would have been treated as less of a routine.

What's the capper, though?

Meanwhile, promotions and honors have flowed to higher-echelon figures such as Gen. Peter Schoomaker, who did not act on the intelligence briefing he received two days before the Cole attack. Schoomaker has been promoted to Army chief of staff.


Scapegoating. What a lot of crap.

Hai-Poo

Yesterday, I decided to write a little poetry. Haiku, with one singular subject. I also encouraged my co-workers to contribute. You see, Creative Departments are composed mostly of people who, in some way, refuse to grow up. I myself may be on my fifth childhood by now. So here are my sophomoric verses in all their inglory:


my eyes, they water
love cannot support this pain
I curse cheap diapers


three o'clock, and haze
a noxious noose 'round our throats
Qdoba no more


Are you inspired? Drop one of your own.

4.25.2006

Words a Copywriter Hates to Hear

"So what else you got?"

(That, in a nutshell, is how work is going.)

4.14.2006

Zero hour is coming

Hang in there, Shannon.

Tax Day is only one day away.

Oh, crud. That means I should do my taxes before tomorrow, eh?

Roll Addition

I've added Dodger Blues.com thanks to my cousin Tim.

Tim lives in Claremont (a suburb of L.A.) and goes to as many games as possible. If anyone knows the scuttlebutt on Da Bums, it's him. So thank you, Timmy. The site is absolutely irresistible.

Be sure to skim the section called "Asshole of the Moment." It's great stuff . . . insightful and snarky.

4.11.2006

How low can they go?

Nobody outside of Las Vegas has been watching this particular bit of homegrown nastiness, so I've sat back with my proverbial bowl of popcorn and watched the show, refusing to air it out so people in other cities can see how awful our local politicians really are.

After all, the kind of political corruption trial we got was the exact kind you'd expect: County Commissioners took bribes from a strip club owner in exchange for favorable votes.

When this first broke, I shrugged. The Commissioners that got tagged were absolutely no surprise. You'd heard, "under the radar" of course, of all types of shady dealings. So Federal charges were just the inevitable stop in their illustrious political careers.

Daily, as the trial wore on, I'd read the juicy headlines. My favorite so far was "Dario Never Paid," in reference to the comped drinks, lap dances and who knows what else he got on his frequent visits to Galardi clubs.

Until now. What I thought couldn't get any crappier just did.

PUBLIC CORRUPTION CASE: Galardi names more officials

Ex-strip club owner says former commissioner provided sex


Former strip club owner Michael Galardi rattled off a list of public officials Monday to whom he said he made cash payments and confirmed that he had several sexual encounters with former Clark County Commissioner Erin Kenny.

Galardi stunned the courtroom when he testified that Kenny performed oral sex on him about six times during the time she served on the County Commission and took cash bribes to lobby for legislation beneficial to his topless club empire.

"Oh, for heaven's sake," a woman in the federal courtroom audience muttered after Galardi's admission.


My sentiments exactly, lady. Ew. Just ew.

It's disgusting enough that Galardi shelled out hundreds of thousands of dollars to public officials (whether in cash bribes or "services rendered"). But this, somehow, made the whole horrid affair just a little shittier.

Just to let you know, Kenny is a government witness. She got in a room with the FBI and started singing.

But now, I'm thinking of a local political cartoon I saw when Erin Kenny's deal first made the papers. In it, she was seen in silhouette behind a glass "FBI" door. And she was on her knees.

I'm sure the artist knew even then what she was all about.

Nevada politics is a dirty little business, made even dirtier by those who have the cash and the power. When those who deal in vice are the ones lobbying the officials, it's only a matter of time before our public buildings become cesspools.

I'm not surprised. Not at all. But I do feel a little dirtier.

Ew. Just frickin' ew.

4.10.2006

The Birthday was successful

I'm still alive.

This week, I'm home with the boy, who's on Spring Break.

But work is already calling, so I suppose I'm NOT on break.

Bleah.

3.31.2006

Just when I was missing the old Vegas

Ah, the halcyon days of above-ground nuclear testing. I used to sit at Grandpa's feet and listen to the tales of mushroom clouds and viewing parties on Fremont Street. He'd smoke his Chesterfield Kings and absentmindedly scratch the spot on his neck where they'd removed the tumor.

"You saw it before you felt it," he'd say.

Oh, to be alive then. I was only around for below-ground tests. They'd shake the windows in my house and the light fixture above the kitchen table would swing. The news would tell people to stay away from windows in tall buildings, and if the wind changed you'd better stay indoors. It was so exciting.

So you can imagine the thrill I felt when this graced the paper:

'MUSHROOM CLOUD OVER LAS VEGAS': Comment causes a chain reaction

Mushroom cloud? Coooooool.

A government official's comment that a 700-ton blast scheduled June 2 at the Nevada Test Site would send a "mushroom cloud over Las Vegas" set off a firestorm on Thursday even though state officials signed off on the experiment in January.

Talking to reporters at the Pentagon, James Tegnelia, chief of the Defense Threat Reduction Agency, said, "I don't want to sound glib here but it is the first time in Nevada that you'll see a mushroom cloud over Las Vegas since we stopped testing nuclear weapons."

Tegnelia said the test, called "Divine Strake," [Strake? Is that a typo?]is part of an effort to develop weapons that can destroy underground bunkers storing nuclear, chemical or biological weapons.

. . .

The mushroom cloud image disturbed Rep. Shelley Berkley, D-Nev. She took to the House floor to sharply criticize Tegnelia for his comments.

"It's bad enough that we didn't get prior notice and ... obviously, the congressional delegation wasn't briefed, but the people of the state of Nevada haven't been briefed either," Berkley said.

As it turned out, Berkley and the other four members of the congressional delegation were notified about the planned explosion in a Dec. 19, 2005, letter from the National Nuclear Security Administration.

In addition, Nevada Department of Administration official Zosia Targosz said in a Jan. 9 letter to the NNSA's office in Las Vegas that "your proposal is not in conflict with state plans, goals or objectives."

Berkley spokesman David Cherry acknowledged Berkley was notified last year about the blast.

"But the notification did not include phrases like 'mushroom cloud over Las Vegas,' " Cherry said.

Sen. Harry Reid, D-Nev., issued a statement calling Tegnelia's comments "irresponsible and inflammatory." Reid said he would press for a briefing from military officials.


So they voted for the cloud before they voted against it?

Sen. John Ensign, R-Nev., was traveling and could not be reached for comment. His spokesman, Jack Finn, said Ensign's staff have contacted officials at the test site and the Defense Threat Reduction Agency.

Reps. Jim Gibbons and Jon Porter, both R-Nev., issued statements saying a report in November indicated there would not be a safety risk or adverse environmental impact from the test. They added they will continue to monitor the situation but raised no objection to the proposed explosion.

Tegnelia said the Russians have been told about the test.


Well I'm glad the Russians know. At least someone isn't surprised.

Darwin Morgan, an NNSA spokesman at the test site, said the detonation will occur in a pristine area about 90 miles northwest of Las Vegas.


Pristine? Go to Google Earth, search for Mercury, NV and scan a little bit northeast. It looks like a few hundred square miles of desert came down with a case of leprosy.

The 700 tons of ammonium nitrate fuel oil will be poured into a 30-foot pit that will be dug above one of the test site's tunnels, Morgan said.

Berkley said Tegnelia told her the mushroom cloud that results from the blast will be visible from Las Vegas.

But while he acknowledged there will be a mushroom cloud, Morgan said surrounding mountains are likely to block the view from Las Vegas.

Morgan also said it is "highly unlikely" the blast will be felt in Las Vegas.

"The most likely scenario is that someone in Indian Springs might hear something that sounds like distant thunder," Morgan said.

Morgan described the blast as "an open-air experiment."


So we go from a mushroom cloud over town the leadership didn't know about to a mushroom cloud over town they DID know about to a mushroom-ish (maybe an oyster mushroom instead of a portabella?) cloud that none of us will see accompanied by a blast none of us will feel.

What a letdown.

"The test site is a user facility for the national labs and the Defense Department and the Defense Threat Reduction Agency. This is what we do -- high hazard operations."


In other words, calm the hell down. They do haz-mat training out there. They do other blasting out there. They store lower-level radioactive waste and high-level medical waste out there. I know. I've been out there and that's just the stuff they tell you about on the tour.

I will agree with one thing: If it's not going to cause a "mushroom cloud over Vegas," then clamp down on the hyperbole. People don't understand. You say "mushroom cloud" and people automatically think "nuclear." Unless you want Martin Sheen and a bunch of other anti-nuke types making things at the NTS gate messier than normal, tell the frickin' truth.

And to our "leadership:" Stop being a bunch of grandstanding, inane asshats. You just end up looking more vacuous than you normally do.

One more thing, O Defense Threat Reduction Agency [when did THIS agency come about?]: next time you say we're gonna see a mushroom cloud, you'd better deliver.

3.29.2006

Spring doesn't start . . .

. . . until Saturday.

Saturday at 7:30 am (!) my boy will play his first rookie league baseball game. It's machine pitch, so it'll be interesting.

After that, we'll be here. Cubs v. Padres, at our gorgeous AAA baseball stadium. Blankets on the right field berm and friends all around.

I can't wait.

Something incredibly cool

Singer Tom Jones Is Knighted

I love it. I can't wait to see him in his next engagement here in town.

3.28.2006

Breaking emissions standards . . .

. . . for the sake of advertising:

World's Largest Buffet coming to Vegas

Where else would you expect to find the world's largest buffet, but right here in the buffet capital of the world! In honor of its 75th birthday, the antacid company Alka-Seltzer is attempting to make the record books by creating the world's largest buffet.

The attempt will be made at the Las Vegas Hilton Tuesday. The hotel's buffet will set out 500 items for the event being kicked off with the first bite taken by comedian Kathy Griffin.


And then, the combination of thousands of humans' worth of methane gas plus Kathy Griffin's incessant chatter (which is composed mostly of heated carbon monoxide) will be released into the atmosphere over Southern Nevada, opening a 4-mile-wide hole in the ozone, raising our average summer temperature to 112 degrees Fahrenheit.

Thanks a lot, assholes.

Las Vegas Events

Forget the overpriced concerts at MGM Grand Garden and House of Blues.

I'm doing THIS:

The 3rd Annual Modern Drunkard Convention

When: Friday June 23rd through Sunday, June 25th.

Where: The Celebrity Ballroom, Las Vegas, NV.

What to Expect: Three solid days of heavy drinking and full-bore entertainment Emceed by Titsa Galore, including:

Bands
To be announced shortly.

Burlesque Troupes
Ooh-La-La!
Oracle Dance Troupe
More to be announced.

Plus
• Liquor Olympics
• Clash of the Tightest Drinking Contest
• Soused seminars
• Films
• Karaoke
• Panel Discussion
• Booze tastings
• Heavy drinking
• Debauchery
• And much more

How much: Convention passes are $49. In addition to three days of gala entertainment, the pass also entitles you to free gear, including:

• Limited Edition Modern Drunkard Convention T-Shirt
• 17"X24" Convention Poster


Panel discussion? Karaoke? AND debauchery?

Goodness, I love living here.

Gorgeous photo site

While I'm chasing down my myriad job duties, enjoy this.

I've always been fascinated by mental hospitals, and look at most rundown places as fabulous locations for something.

This photographer, using natural light, has taken mostly beautiful but sometimes disturbing pictures in abandoned institutions.

hat tip to my buddy, Dunny Bunny

3.23.2006

Puppy Blogging


Cass
Originally uploaded by shansarver.
Well, everyone's doing it.

So this is Cassie, two Fridays ago. And I swear, I don't abuse her. She gets that long-suffering look whenever I take the camera out.

A Miracle!


TomKat
Originally uploaded by shansarver.
"Whoa! Look what happens when I whack off into a cup!"

A woman of many hats

And all of them are too tight.

Blogging will dwindle the next few weeks while I wade into television commercial production. I'm not doing one spot, or even two. Right now, I'm trying to coordinate five six.

All this while I continue my main job, which is advertising copywriter.

This involves switching gears between Flighty Creative and Bean Counter so often, I fear I'm going to burn out my transmission.

Does anyone know how to clone oneself?

And if so, can I leave the "fat" gene out of the new one?

3.20.2006

As I approach 37

Reality check #22

I was coloring my hair yesterday and had to leave the stuff on an extra 10 minutes "to cover resistant grays."

3.18.2006

Hail Xenu!

Just thought I'd come right out and say it.

Read this, and join the anti-ElRons.

Hat tip, Pints.

3.16.2006

A Tribute

A good family friend has died, and while he was a giant in this town and more well-known figures will weigh in on his passing, I want to contribute in my own small way.

First, the story on the street:

Entrepreneur, civic leader Tobman dies at 81

Herb Tobman, sporting an ever-beaming smile and offering a lighthearted joke on almost any subject, would hold court daily in the early 1990s at his Mr. T's Diner at 2129 Industrial Road.

Tobman, president of the Stardust hotel in the 1970s and owner of Western Cab Co. since 1968, would regale customers with his stories about working as a teenage bellhop in the Catskill Mountain resorts or of his early days in 1950s Las Vegas when he was a gas station attendant and star softball player.

"Herb Tobman was the king of Damon Runyun characters in a town of thousands of Damon Runyun characters," said Bill Shranko, director of operations of Yellow Checker Star Cab Co., and a friend for more than 25 years.

Tobman, who served on the Las Vegas Convention and Visitors Authority board in the 1980s and became a multimillionaire by buying and selling Las Vegas real estate for half a century, died Tuesday in Las Vegas of a heart attack, his family said. He was 81.

Services for the Las Vegas resident of 54 years will be 1 p.m. Friday at Palm Mortuary-Main Street, followed by a graveside service at Woodlawn Cemetery.

Tobman served a term on the Clark County Planning Commission and was appointed to the Las Vegas City Recreation Advisory Board after it was created, serving one year as chairman.

"Herb had a sense of humor for every situation - lighthearted or serious," Shranko said. "With a joke he'd make something serious seem lighthearted."

Former Clark County Commissioner Manny Cortez, a longtime president of the LVCVA, said Tobman "was one of the better thinkers" on the LVCVA board.

"Herb understood the big picture - he cut to the chase and got to what was important," Cortez said. "In the early 1980s, there were a lot of differences of opinion about the value of conventions. A lot of casino operators were mostly interested in visitors but not necessarily conventioneers. Herb understood the significance of convention business.

Sen. Harry Reid, D-Nev., said he was a youngster when he first met Tobman at the old downtown Squires Park ballfield where Tobman was a shortstop/catcher on the nationally respected Horseshoe Club fast-pitch softball team. The team featured Reid's brother, the late Dale Reid.

"Herb has been my friend just about all of my life," Reid said. "His personality was so strong. He was like a ballplayer who always kept up the chatter during the game. He was always talking it up for Las Vegas."

Tobman's son-in-law, prominent Las Vegas attorney John Moran Jr., said: "Men like Herb Tobman don't come along every day, and that's sad."

In 1974 Tobman was appointed president of the Stardust hotel. In the late 1970s, Tobman and his friend, the late Al Sachs, formed Trans-Sterling Inc., and continued to run that Strip resort as well as the downtown Fremont and Sundance hotels. They sold their interests in those properties in 1984.

Two years later, Tobman ran for governor on a ticket that included establishing a state lottery and toughening drug laws to include life in prison without the possibility of parole for those convicted of selling narcotics to minors.

Tobman raised $90,000 for that campaign, limiting donations to no more than $10 per contributor.

Born Dec. 20, 1924, in the Bronx, N.Y., Tobman joined the Navy in 1942 and served aboard the destroyer U.S.S. MacKenzie during World War II.

After the war, Tobman played semi-professional basketball with the New York Gothams and, after obtaining an $1,800 loan under the G.I. Bill, bought a New Jersey service station and a Long Island, N.Y., dry cleaners.

In 1952 Tobman sold those businesses and moved to Las Vegas, where he initially lived in an 8th Street boarding house while working as a service station attendant.

Soon after, he took out a $1,200 bank loan to open City Furniture Exchange. In 1955, after that store burned down, Tobman became general manager of the Moulin Rouge on Bonanza Road, the city's first integrated casino. Tobman also rebuilt his furniture store, which served Las Vegas for 20 years.

In 1971 Tobman was hired as general manager of the Aladdin Hotel, where he instituted a champagne dinner buffet.

Tobman was a licensed pilot. He owned at various times different models of Cherokee airplanes and recently bought a Beech King Air. However, when he turned 78, Tobman hired a co-pilot to fly with him.

Tobman also served as a chief deputy coroner and as a trustee for the Culinary Workers and Bartenders Pension Fund. He served 12 years with the Southern Nevada Officials Association, refereeing high school and college basketball games in the 1960s and '70s.

Tobman's civic deeds included serving as chairman of the Clark County Heart Fund, a member of the Elks and breakfast Optimists clubs, commander of the local Jewish War Veterans chapter and as a member of Temple Beth Sholom. He also was a co-founder of WestCare, a Las Vegas drug rehabilitation center.

An accomplished handball player in New York, Tobman took up racquetball in Las Vegas and won numerous tournaments, including the 1984 West Coast senior doubles championship.

Tobman is survived by his wife of 58 years, Jean Tobman; three daughters, Janie Moore, Marilyn Moran and Helen Martin; nine grandchildren; and a great-grandson, all of Las Vegas.

The family said donations can be made to WestCare Foundation, 900 Grier Drive, Las Vegas, NV 89119.


My grandmother worked for Mr T. as a seamstress at the resurrected City Furniture on Main Street when she came to town in the mid-sixties. My uncle, not even old enough to drive, would ride shotgun with Lightning. They'd go around town in a truck, picking up discarded furniture so they could refurbish it at the store and sell it.

My mother has worked for Mr. Tobman for 33 years. First as an upholsterer and later as the manager of his cab company.

When I was thirteen, I started working there in the summers or after school, helping out in the office or washing cabs. The year he ran for governor I helped hand-paint his campaign signs.

But none of these were just work relationships. The thing about Mr. T is that once you fell in under his wing, you were part of his family, and my family always felt that way. His daughters are my mother's friends. His wife is a graceful, compassionate, strong woman who we've always admired.

And none of this gets closer to the truth of how much this man was loved by us.

How can I possibly explain the hundreds of times over the years where a little conversation always got right to the root of what mattered to him most: "how are you? Really? Is there anything you need from me?"

Yet he had known tragedies no man should have to endure. He'd buried parents, siblings, friends, his only son and a grandson. But none of this hardened him. His only response was to become more tender, and more giving.

Mr. T. took in strays – not stray animals, stray people. Some would have said he was being taken advantage of, but he never saw it that way. Where he thought he could help, he would. Some did take advantage, but that never hardened his heart, either.

Over the years, the papers would report his quiet donations to homeless dinners or destitute families. And for every report that trickled out, there were at least ten instances where nobody noticed. Nobody but those he touched. If a family lost everything in a fire, he was there. If a patriarch died, he made sure the children would be okay. There are other instances that shine in my mind, but to write about them would violate those private, silent agreements: "take this, just between us."

It was his way, which was also the Old Vegas way. He is Old Vegas to me, with all the ways it used to be here – all the old places, the old signs, the roads and homes that have been plowed over to make room for what we are now. He is intertwined with all the sights and sounds of my childhood.

This city has lost something we can never get back. His spirit, his no-nonsense approach, his straight talk. And his heart.

Maybe this very personal story can explain better. My grandmother died with a terrifying suddenness January 9, 2004. Within two days, Las Vegas native (and giant) Judge Myron Leavitt died. Their funerals were on the same day, at the same time. Mr. Tobman was chosen to be a pallbearer at the Judge's funeral, so we understood that he wouldn't be at my grandmother's much smaller goodbye.

I stood at the door of the chapel, greeting people, when he walked up with his wife Jean. Nothing that day had made me cry. Until then. I remember saying "I thought you'd be at Judge Leavitt's." He replied, "I wouldn't miss my chance to say goodbye to my friend Mae." I don't think truly understood his heart before that day.

I keep coming back to that, because his heart was larger than life. And in the end, it finally gave out.

Tomorrow, Mr. T., I won't miss my chance to say goodbye to you.

3.15.2006

Programming Note

Comedy Central just played the "Chef Aid" episode of South Park and now I've just watched Chef ask everyone to suck his "salty chocolate balls."

You think it may be in honor of this guy?

And the Scientolocrap is up all over the Comedy Central South Park site.