The human body has two ends on it: one to create with and one to sit on. Sometimes people get their ends reversed. When this happens they need a kick in the seat of the pants. – Theodore Roosevelt

9.30.2004

Good God, make it stop.

Children massacred in Iraq bombs

Officials said at least 34 children were among 41 or more people killed when bombs were detonated near a water treatment plant as US troops passed by.

At least 130 others were injured, many among crowds gathered for the opening ceremony at the plant who had gone up to collect sweets from the soldiers.


Damn them. Damn them to hell.

I'm a Western woman, with Western views, and so I fail - and will continue to fail - to understand the methods of these so-called "insurgents."

If the murder of children receiving candy from soldiers is acceptable under their rules of war, then I hope never to understand. I'm so tired of the world telling me, since I'm an imperialist American, that I should respect their views, and learn about their culture. That I should try to understand their position, and where their hatred comes from.

Bullshit. I know all I fucking need to know.

There's a phrase from Islamo-fascists that keeps coming back to me, whether spoken by bin Laden or al-Zarqawi or any hooded coward with a knife: "we desire death more than you desire life."

Good. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Thank you to our Italian Allies

What did I say twelve hours ago?

Case in point:

Footage Shows 10 New Hostages in Iraq

One more thing, before I go to bed.

Two is the magic number.

Weeeee-ha!

On the flipside,

Oh shit.

9.29.2004

Everyone has their price . . .

. . . including Italy.

I'm glad those girls are free, and yet something still feels wrong.

A senior Italian politician says he believes a ransom of $1m or more was paid for the release of two female Italian aid workers kidnapped in Iraq.

Italian Foreign Minister Franco Frattini said no money had been paid but MP Gustavo Selva described the denial as purely "official".


Yep. Something here is definitely bothering me.

Allegations of an Italian ransom, first made in a Kuwaiti newspaper, have been widely reported in Italy.

Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi fuelled the rumours by talking of "a difficult choice which had to be made", the BBC's Guto Harri notes from Rome.

Gustavo Selva is head of the Italian parliament's foreign affairs committee and a member of the National Alliance, one of the parties in the governing coalition.

"The young women's life was the most important thing," he told French radio on Wednesday.

"In principle, one should not give in to blackmail, but this time I think we had to give in..."


That's it. That's the problem. That one of our allies, with troops in the line of fire, gave the enemy a million dollars.

These aren't the kind of kidnappers you see on TV - you know, the ones that get the money and spend the rest of their lives on an island somewhere drinking and playing pee-pee touch with the local girls.

Nope. These guys are going to take that money and buy mayhem with it - more guns, more ammo, and more bombs. What's the going rate for suicide bombers these days? Or maybe they can bribe some officials with it. Any way you look at it, that money helped those two women (who were there willingly, knowing the dangers) and their families. And it's increased the danger faced by thousands more.

So what's the lesson for today? Kidnapping works.

Good going.


images, originally uploaded by shansarver.

"If you American pigs do not pay attention to me, I will hold my breath until my face turns blue."

9.28.2004

What type of America-hating minority am I?


, originally uploaded by shansarver.

According to this quiz, I'm a HIPPY.

You know, spaced-out idealist.

Geez. If I'd known that before, I'd have tried better drugs. And shaved less.

9.27.2004

The Beer Bear

He's here, and he drinks Rainer.

He's also the star of Rainer's first TV ad campaign since Smokey was knee high to a sapling.

Kudos to Rainier for smart marketing.

I raise my hands to the heavens, and shout:

Get thee back, Satan!

(inspired by Ken)

At the risk of sounding like a complete child . . .

. . . you can dish it out, but you sure can't take it.

Syria warns Israel over attack
Tel-Aviv behind killing of Hamas official in Damascus


"This terrorist act represents a grave development that Israel shoulders responsibility for, as it emphasizes its intention to shake security and stability in the region," the Syrian official news agency SANA quoted an official source as saying.

Shake stability? Cripes. If you were really interested in security and stability, you'd stop harboring Hamas and Islamic Jihad. Or stop the flow of weapons from Iran to the Palestinians. Maybe you'd let Lebanon have the Bekaa Valley back by taking your troops out, and stop meddling in Lebanon's elections.

Ahmed Haj Ali, an adviser to the Syrian information minister, described the assassination as a "terrorist and cowardly action."

I disagree. This would be what's called "fighting fire with fire." "Terrorist and cowardly action" is the constant targeting of civilians - a favorite practice of your friends.

... "This is not the first warning" Israel has tried to convey to Syria, Haj Ali said. "What happened indicates that Israel's aggression has no limits."

Israel had limits. But there's only so many bus bombings a nation can swallow.

Syria is foolish to believe that since they haven't been directly responsible for a terrorist act since 1986, that they're exempt from scrutiny. Even if they didn't plant the bombs, or fire the missles, or send the murderers, giving terrorists safe haven makes them accessories to every Hamas, Hizbollah, and Islamic Jihad crime.

So Israel fired a warning shot across Syria's bow, and focused a lot of attention on their policies.

I suspect Syria will continue with the bluster. I'm sure there will be another bombing by Hamas, and another martyr for the signs in Gaza. But Syria's been put on notice, and nobody put it better than Haj Ali himself:

The Israeli assassination, he said, "was meant to deliver a message to the entire world that says: 'We are capable of striking anywhere in accordance with the Israeli agenda."'

Yes, they are. And now you know they will.

All I want for Christmas

Yesssssss, my Precious.

Oh, happiness! Fifty additional minutes! Eowyn and Faramir - explained! Saruman returns! More orcs! More pirates! More special features!

The question is this: do I run out and buy this edition or wait for Peter Jackson to compile the entire trilogy of director's cuts?

9.24.2004

The taste of Friday afternoon

I'm a lucky woman. It's Friday afternoon, 4:00. The weather here in Las Vegas is sunny, and gorgeously warm as only late summer here can be. This kind of afternoon is what we dream of all through the insanely hot months of July and August.

So here I am at work, having done my part to turn the wheels of capitalism, and beside me is a cold bottle of beer. Yes, indeedy. Beer at work on a Friday afternoon is a joy that not many are able to experience, so I am extremely thankful.

In less than an hour (because I'll leave at 4:45, I think) I'll be home, where I'll open all the windows, turn on some music, and start cooking dinner for Captain Chicken Wing and myself. There will be more beer, maybe even wine or a cold vodka tonic. And then, we will drive off at sunset (not drunk, of course) in CCW's convertible to our favorite bar to watch the Dodgers/Giants game.

Tomorrow, I will sleep in.

This is a lovely life, especially at 4:00 on Friday, with the weekend's inaugural beer in hand.

I'm calmer now.

The Dodgers won, but they're hanging on by a thread.

Shite.

9.23.2004

Excuse me . . .

. . . while I have a conniption.

AAAAAAAAAAA!

Damn Dodgers! Damn DODGERS! DAMN DODGERS!

Well. That didn't make me feel better at all.

Screwups.

Go, Hard Rock, go!

Now this is an appropriate response to criticism.

Experts: New billboard lampoons regulators

Though it stands more than eight miles away, a not-so-tongue-in-cheek billboard towering above the Hard Rock Hotel could cast a heavy shadow on Friday's Nevada Gaming Commission meeting near downtown Las Vegas.

State regulators and Hard Rock representatives are scheduled to discuss at the Sawyer Building recent complaints that the edge-pushing gaming company's risqué advertising efforts reflect poorly on the gaming industry and state.


Stop. For years, I've been looking at a lineup of bare asses for "Crazy Girls" at the Riviera with the cheesy line, "No ifs, ands, or . . ." Nearly every cab in town has some medical miracle on its signs, advertising for strip joints. "Reflect poorly?" Puh-leeeeeeze.

Arguments and accusations covering everything from free speech to the moral and economic well-being of the community will no doubt bombard the commission chambers, but several sources who've followed the issue insist the Hard Rock is already mocking regulators with its latest promotional effort.

Good.

Several weeks ago, Hard Rock erected a billboard that depicts a cartoon cat, two rabbits and a wood-chewing beaver next to its hotel-casino at 4455 Paradise Road.

While the sign touts itself as "Another clean & inoffensive billboard from your friends at the Hard Rock," others claim it's simply a reprise of the suggestive content that led to the company's $300,000 Gaming Control Board settlement that was rejected by the Nevada Gaming Commission and then Friday's commission hearing.

"It's a pussy, a beaver and some bunnies, and we all know what bunnies do," Scott Robertson, creative director for local ad firm the Merica Agency, said Wednesday. "Because it's not so overt, maybe people are OK with that, but given that there's a looming controversy, it shocked me.


I know Scott. The first thing he did was laugh his ass off. The second thing he did was wish he'd thought of it.

"To me, this is blatant thumbing their nose at the gaming commission."

Which is exactly what's so damn great about it.

That opinion was echoed by Patti Gerace, a Walker Furniture marketer who serves as executive board member of the Las Vegas Advertising Federation. She chuckled at the sign's use of animals and objects whose names are common euphemisms for genitalia or depict sexual activity.

"Because I know who they (Hard Rock) are and what they've portrayed in the past, I know what they're trying to say," Gerace said. "I see a beaver and some rabbits doing it. It's not very nice. ... It's clever, it's cute, but I still think people will find it offensive if they look at it in that way."


Yes, there are always people who will look at it 'in that way.' These are the same people that demanded compensation because they were terrorized by Janet Jackson's boobie. Puckered fuckers.

Robertson compared the billboard to the Las Vegas Convention and Visitors Authority's "What happens here, stays here" campaign, which hints at untoward activities but never depicts them.

"It's up to our dirty minds to apply what we know that double meaning is," Robertson said of the Hard Rock billboard. "The fact that it's sort of rebelling by still being sexual, without being overtly sexual, intersects with the core values of the Hard Rock brand, which is sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll."


Frequent Hard Rock critic Michael Wixom contends the company's decision to flaunt a sex-charged message -- albeit it one veiled amid seemingly innocent cartoon characters -- threatens state gaming regulators' ability to govern Nevada's largest industry.

"It's beyond what I think is in good taste or you think is in good taste," said Wixom, a local attorney who founded the Main Street Billboard Committee advocacy group. "The minute you undermine the Gaming Control Board or Gaming Commission to any degree, you undermine what they've done over the last 40 years to create our community. ... It's something we have to be concerned about."


Then you'd better gird your shrunken loins and go after The Palms for their shitty "Skin" billboards, or TI for the Tangerine Ultra Lounge boards that say "Come Shaven." Are you ready to face Mandalay Bay and Bally's as well, you axe-grinding asshole?

Despite the topic's subjectivity, Wixom said the commission is within its powers to regulate the ad content of gaming license holders. The American Civil Liberties Union, Nevada Resort Association and Hard Rock have countered such restrictions violate the First Amendment.

That's enough. I admit I was shocked by the Hard Rock's balls. During NFR (National Finals Rodeo), their billboard depicted a pair of supermodel legs with panties around her ankles. The line: "Get ready to buck all night." Another showed a girl lying naked, stomach-down on a strewn deck of cards: "Sometimes you have to cheat." But the photography has always been gorgeous, the design good, and the lines delivered with a wink. They've hit their target dead on.

And let's not forget this: Las Vegas was, is, and always will be Sin City - no matter what the community leaders say. The main industry is Vice Peddling. Gaming and hotel rooms drive our economy. People come here to drink too much, gamble too much, and have lots and lots of monkey sex.

So I'm glad the Hard Rock isn't afraid to embrace what we really are. And I hope they can continue to stick it to the hypocrites.

9.17.2004

Is it over yet?

The week, I mean.

Since Friday is almost gone, I thought I'd do something new. I'm going to recap the week by listing the five things I'm officially tired of.

And the countdown begins . . .

5) Swift Boat Vets for Truth. They're back with another ad, and they're still pissed at John Kerry. Thanks to them, and to the oversaturation of their message in the media, I know more about swift boats and burning rice shrapnel wounds to the ass than I ever needed to.

4) Paris Hilton. Today, I saw that she and Lance Bass are going to star in a remake of The Great Gatsby called Jay G., and it wasn't hard to imagine that this was the exact moment that the whole damn world just jumped the shark.

3) North Korea. Was it an explosion or wasn't it? Was it a meteor? Was it just gas? You don't have to be embarassed - just 'fess up before we panic and go nuc-u-lar on you.

2) Every asshat that stands in front of the Santa Barbara County Courthouse screaming "We love you Michael!" He is a pedophile. It is regarded as bad form to cheer pedophiles and other criminals. And don't give me that "innocent until proven guilty" crap, because I firmly believe in "where there's smoke, there's fire." By that criteria, MJ's been having himself a twenty-year-long weenie roast.

1) Dan Rather. He's dug himself a nice hole, and now he insists on pissing in it. Just make it stop so we can go back to the real news. Like the Scott Peterson trial.

9.16.2004

ADD

Attention Deficit Disorder. That's definitely not a condition Nevada's suffering from right now. Bush was here on Tuesday, and Kerry's here today. It's nice to be a battleground state.

The main local paper, the R-J, came out this weekend and endorsed President Bush. I wasn't surprised at all, because the staff is mostly right-leaning, and a couple of their opinion columnists are downright liberitarian. I think they send their pieces in by carrier pigeon from their heavily-fortified bunkers in Pahrump.

When I pulled up the R-J's main page this morning, I wanted to read their take on Kerry's visit; after all, there was tons of hoopla about Bush on Tuesday morning. Nothing was there. Hm. I went to "Nevada News." The two headline stories were 1) "Ka," the new Cirque de Soleil show, is opening at the MGM; and 2) Treasures Gentlemen's Club lost their liquor license. How curious. I scrolled down the page until - Hey! There it was.

Kerry visit might tie up roads

Whew. I thought the R-J would start being really partisan now.

Nope. Nevada's not suffering from ADD. But I suspect John Kerry is.

Farewell

Goodbye, Johnny.

Rock in peace.

9.15.2004

Nevada Rocks the Vote

So our scary computers got it right, to the point where other states are thinking of adopting our system.

Too bad our younger voters may not be able to read the ballot.

9.11.2004

I haven't forgotten


twin_towers_code, originally uploaded by shansarver.

And I hope I never will.

9.09.2004

Monorail!

The report from Springfield - er, Las Vegas:

Falling debris closes system

A two-pound metal object fell from the Las Vegas Monorail Wednesday, closing the fledgling system for the second time this month.

Really. I'm, well, shocked.

Wednesday's incident was sparked by the failure of a vertical metal pipe called a "flange" that helps support the horizontal drive shaft on the trains.

The flange apparently snapped on Train No. 1, an unthemed southbound train which had just left the Bally's/Paris station. A 6-inch, disc-shaped piece of the flange fell away and struck an electrified rail alongside the monorail track, authorities said.

That 750-volt rail supplies power to the train. A small electrical explosion resulted from the live wire being struck by the piece, which then fell to the sidewalk 20 feet below, authorities said.


Thank goodness nobody was riding it.

Wait. Is that a good thing or not? That nobody was hurt is good. But you have to wonder why this savior of Las Vegas tourist transit was empty at 10am during one of our more lovely months.

Is it too late to implode it and build something else?

An odd way to surface . . .

. . . but here it is.

Pup shoots man, saves litter mates

So this fool in Florida decided that since he couldn't find homes for seven 3-month-old shepherd-mix puppies, he'd shoot them in the head with his pistol and bury them in the backyard.

He'd already killed three when his murderous plot was foiled by the fourth. As he held the little guy, the puppy's paw hit the trigger and shot the asshole in the wrist.

Good doggie. Ribeyes for life.

. . .

Last week was far too horrifying, and any other words I could have mustered would have felt - I don't know - masturbatory to me. I didn't want to plumb any further depths of anger or sadness or hate. So a week later, I'm reacquainting myself with the world again.

No surprise, it's still as shitty as ever.

But I'll stick with it for a while, and maybe (just maybe) one of these days I'll lighten up a little bit.

9.03.2004

Today, I take it all back.

A few days ago, I posted about the Chechen women who blew up those Russian airlines. Back then, I found myself feeling pity for them.

Not today.

They shot fleeing children in the back.

They killed rescue workers.

They rigged the school with explosives, ensuring a high death toll.

They never had any intention of letting those poor people go free.

They are Islamic jihadists, and they all need to be destroyed.

No more pity for these fuckers. Not from me.

9.02.2004

Me vs. The Monorail

There was a Simpsons episode, arguably one of the best ever (and that's saying a lot), called Marge vs. the Monorail.

In it, Springfield receives a multi-million dollar settlement from Mr. Burns. In the town meeting, Marge suggests they use the money to fix the crater-sized potholes in Main Street. The town is ready to agree until the slick-singing, straw-hat-wearing, Phil-Hartman-voiced Lyle Lanley busts through the door, ready to bilk Springfield out of their money with the very last thing they need. A monorail.

In a dead-on homage to "The Music Man," the town bursts into song:

- Lyle Lanley -
Well, sir, there's nothing on earth like a genuine,   
bonafide, electrified, six-car monorail! 
What'd I say?

- Ned Flanders -
Monorail!

- Lyle Lanley -
What's it called?

- Patty and Selma -
Monorail!

- Lyle Lanley -
That's right! Monorail!    

(crowd chants "Monorail" softly and rhythmically)

- Miss Hoover -
I hear those things are awfully loud.

- Lyle Lanley -
It glides as softly as a cloud.

- Apu -
Is there a chance the track could bend?

- Lyle Lanley -
Not on your life, my Hindu friend.

- Barney -
What about us brain-dead slobs?

- Lyle Lanley -
You'll all be given cushy jobs.

- Abe -
Were you sent here by the devil?

- Lyle Lanley -
No, good sir, I'm on the level.

- Chief Wiggum -
The ring came off my pudding can.

- Lyle Lanley -
Take my pen knife, my good man.
I swear it's Springfield's only choice.
Throw up your hands and raise your voice!

- All -
(singing)
Monorail!

- Lyle Lanley -
What's it called?

- All -
Monorail!

- Lyle Lanley -
Once again...

- All -
Monorail!

- Marge -
But Main Street's still all cracked and broken...

- Bart -
Sorry, Mom, the mob has spoken!

- All -
(singing)
Monorail! Monorail! Monorail!   

(big finish)

Monorail!

- Homer -
(not realizing the song's over)
Mono... D'oh!


Of course, the thing turns out to be a disaster. But in remembering this episode, I've come to believe this closely resembles the process by which we in Las Vegas got our monorail.

The monorail that's supposedly privately funded - but not really.

The monorail that's already losing money.

The monorail that's run by brain-dead slobs.

The monorail that's already falling apart.

The very same monorail that does absolutely nothing to help the commutes of Vegas residents, because its route only services a line of Strip hotels.

In the meantime, our freeways are constantly under construction because they're inadequate from the moment they open a new phase, and our pollution is hideous. But our city fathers thought sinking $750 million into a monorail was money well spent. They may as well have thrown the cash into one of our glowing underground nuclear test tunnels, for all the good it's doing us.

Las Vegas, Nevada. One of the few places on earth where life imitates art.

9.01.2004

Schadenfreude

That's the jolly feeling you get when someone finally gets what's coming to them.

Erin Kenny, one of our ex-County Commissioners, has been tagged again. This time, for money in an offshore account she received for pushing a friggin' CVS drugstore onto a residential corner.

Seeing her on the front page of the paper, her image tarnished beyond recognition, her name synonymous with words like "corrupt," "bribery," "extortion," "indictment," and "FBI investigation," gives me the warm fuzzies.

Why? Because I watched her skinny carpetbagger ass thrive for years by being a two-faced, lying, immoral, amoral harpy. She damaged the residential property values in her district (that wasn't mine, thank God), got rich, then moved out to a ritzier area. She used her office to seek vengeance on those who dared oppose her. She blatantly gave public contracts to her buddies, regardless of the capability of the other bidders (personal experience, here).

Down you go, Erin. Keep riding that vortex. I find it completely entertaining.

A favourite. Spelling intentional.

W.H. Auden sure knew what he was doing:

September 1, 1939

I sit in one of the dives
On Fifty-second Street
Uncertain and afraid
As the clever hopes expire
Of a low dishonest decade:
Waves of anger and fear
Circulate over the bright
And darkened lands of the earth,
Obsessing our private lives;
The unmentionable odour of death
Offends the September night.

Accurate scholarship can
Unearth the whole offence
From Luther until now
That has driven a culture mad,
Find what occurred at Linz,
What huge imago made
A psychopathic god:
I and the public know
What all schoolchildren learn,
Those to whom evil is done
Do evil in return.

Exiled Thucydides knew
All that a speech can say
About Democracy,
And what dictators do,
The elderly rubbish they talk
To an apathetic grave;
Analysed all in his book,
The enlightenment driven away,
The habit-forming pain,
Mismanagement and grief:
We must suffer them all again.

Into this neutral air
Where blind skyscrapers use
Their full height to proclaim
The strength of Collective Man,
Each language pours its vain
Competitive excuse:
But who can live for long
In an euphoric dream;
Out of the mirror they stare,
Imperialism's face
And the international wrong.

Faces along the bar
Cling to their average day:
The lights must never go out,
The music must always play,
All the conventions conspire
To make this fort assume
The furniture of home;
Lest we should see where we are,
Lost in a haunted wood,
Children afraid of the night
Who have never been happy or good.

The windiest militant trash
Important Persons shout
Is not so crude as our wish:
What mad Nijinsky wrote
About Diaghilev
Is true of the normal heart;
For the error bred in the bone
Of each woman and each man
Craves what it cannot have,
Not universal love
But to be loved alone.

From the conservative dark
Into the ethical life
The dense commuters come,
Repeating their morning vow;
'I will be true to the wife,
I'll concentrate more on my work,'
And helpless governors wake
To resume their compulsory game:
Who can release them now,
Who can reach the dead,
Who can speak for the dumb?

All I have is a voice
To undo the folded lie,
The romantic lie in the brain
Of the sensual man-in-the-street
And the lie of Authority
Whose buildings grope the sky:
There is no such thing as the State
And no one exists alone;
Hunger allows no choice
To the citizen or the police;
We must love one another or die.


Defenseless under the night
Our world in stupor lies;
Yet, dotted everywhere,
Ironic points of light
Flash out wherever the Just
Exchange their messages:
May I, composed like them
Of Eros and of dust,
Beleaguered by the same
Negation and despair,
Show an affirming flame.

First days

My son's first day of first grade was Monday. I was excited, he was nervous. We waited outside his classroom with his new classmates and at 8:50 am, the temperatures were already in the 90s. As he got hotter, and the kids around him got louder, I could see him reaching critical mass - his nervousness finally boiling over.

"Mom," he said, his voice small, "I'm scared." He bent his head forward and I watched a large, fat tear drop to the ground in front of his new sneakers.

I think that's the exact moment my heart broke.

I bent down to him, my face level with his, and I encouraged him as best as I could; but the teacher arrived to take him away, and off he went, red-eyed and sadly waving.

I worried all day, expecting a call from the school telling me he was distraught, to come get him, that he's just too young for first grade (he just turned six two weeks ago). I watched the clock, and the moment I could leave to pick him up I was out the door.

When I found him, waiting outside his class, he was with a friend from Kindergarten. When he saw me, he cried out "Mommy!" and ran to me, launching himself into my arms.

That's the exact moment my heart mended.

His first day began with a little trauma, but ended so well.

We all know how the first day of school is going in Beslan, Russia. It's Thursday there right now, and there's no resolution to the horrors the children face. It scares me to the bone to know that Russia doesn't have the best track record when it comes to bloodlessly ending conflicts with the Chechen rebels, and I can't imagine being a parent of one of those children, certainly knowing that fact.

It's things like this that show, beyond a doubt, what evil truly is.

I want their first day of school to end well, too - how well is a matter of perspective, though. If this can end without another death, that's the absolute best we can hope for. A lot of damage has already been done. Now, we can only wish for damage control.

Please pray for them. I do.

And I can't wait to hold my own child again.